My silence is not golden -- in this current case. I am silent because I carefully evaluate all my words. Good, Bad or indifferent in value.... my speech is stopped. I am not spouting sarcastic comments or saying wise encouragements. Stopped.
My evaluation of my own "space" in my head and outside my head has taken a very introspective turn and I do not have the energy to fight the fight verbally today.
Whether I since or swim, the battle of tredding water is mostly in a person's own psyche. How they navigate mostly happens inside even before they utter a word. I feel like my mouth is covered with tape, like I have a gag on. I am so utterly turned upside down that I cannot speak. The way I normally move through life... confident even in struggle - sassy even in fear -- and determined even when black and blue with life's battle, this is not my form today.
My stride has been broken, my thoughts challenged and my ability to "let it go" smashed to bits by the undaunted voice of reason that I have ignored most of my existence. So for these very reasons... I stay quiet while I figure out my next move. Tredding water, silently with my own battle of the mind, while my face stays calm and the questions of what will happen next loom ever so present in my mind.
I tell myself - "Just breathe, and wake again to see the sun" -- this shall be my goal until the deep waters in my broken heart stop swirling and I can swim to shore and again stand upon the firm ground once more.
