Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Breathing




I guess when you go through hardship and grief, your body responds with physical signals. This whole week when I've been grieving over the anniversary of Bradey's death and Burial, I have been nautious and exhaustion filled every day- I leaned heavily on my Savior for strength to be a kind mother to my children and a decent person to the family. It was tiring- I just wanted sleep, but today is new-- I spent some time planting over the weekend which is always very thereputic for me. I bought a few beautiful flowers that resemble life in its full beauty, and i planted tenderly the plants that will bring me some peaceful moments in the summer months. There is something about growing beautiful things that gives solace to a hurting heart. I encourage anyone who reads my thoughts to plant a pot of beauty somewhere you can see it every day. Don't let your days be dark by choice- put things around you that take away from the dark moments! I am sitting on my porch -- just breathing... as i make an effort to step back into the regular days that lie in wait for me. A mother, a wife, a friend, and a daughter-- i am these, and my place lies empty when I choose to hide. I will always grieve my son, but I will choose life -- even in the midst of the valley of death. So, with deep breaths and teary eyes, I step ahead- God in His mighty Strength will send His Wind for me to take a breath of comfort as i step into my life again.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thoughts on Sorrow

Today is BRADEY JOSHEB MARKIS? 2nd birthday. If he was alive today he would be running with his brothers and smiling a big toothy grin. His golden little locks bouncing as he ran and tried to keep up. He looked like Bailey when he was born, so I see him as a balancing effect on the brothers. So many things I wonder, so many thoughts fill my head?now I will wait to experience the rest in Heaven. Bradey is safe as in the arms of the Angels as he learns and grows in the light of Heaven. I hope to dream of his adventures there. ?There is no better place for a boy to be!?. In my time here on Earth?The Father has given me a Rainbow to ease my intense sorrow and torn heart? her name is Delaney Isabelle (?Noble Challenger? for the warrior princess she was born to be, and ?Gods Bountiful Gift? for the joy she brings to our hearts). We will never understand the fathers plan, but only rest in the assurance that He is in control and regaurdless of the pain we must bear-- God's Word is true and His promises never fail. Grab hold of the Hope that you will gain Peace -- though NOT always understanding if you ask Him. I am searching too- "the peace that passes all understanding" to be mine on a daily basis. I can breathe-- for now that is enough

Monday, April 20, 2009

The color Green




I think it is amazing the feeling that is brought forth by the color of spring green. Looking out my Kitchen window today I notice that the trees are so bright they almost glow in the soft afternoon sun. the breeze was warm today- the spring weather was beautiful! I went and looked at flowers, but chose to wait to buy- thinking that there are so many choices I might need to decide what kind of space I want to make first! I love creating an outdoor space with indoor comfort- meaning, a space outside where I can relax and enjoy some peaceful moments. Just a few weeks ago all was bare from winter with just a few buds peeking out-- now, all is lush and filled with leaves! the color of the leaves reminds me of the smell of mint in the air-- that fresh, purely summer fragrance that is just spicy enough to engage your senses, but leaves you feeling refreshed by the scent that lingers. The breeze moves this beautiful canvas outside my window-- almost calling me out with a promise of warmth and freshness. I will answer the call and find a magic moment to drink in the sunshine.